November 30, 2006

The Chronicles of Sarah and Kat: Part 1 - An Evening Of Despair

After a long day at work Kat and Sarah decided to meet up and go on an innocent countryside bike ride. Following a dismal alcohol infused attempt a couple of months ago, they felt it was time to redeem themselves and prove that they could in fact ride a bike. It got to 3.30pm and the darkness was drawing in, so rationally thinking they decided it wasn’t a good idea to cycle without the use of both reflective clothing and sufficient lighting. Time was running out, they had to think quickly. After several minutes of thought showering Sarah came up with the idea of climbing a tree in Willingham Woods, followed by a short stroll. So they jumped in the car (seatbelts fastened) and merrily drove to the local Woods.

Upon arrival, they were greeted by a suspicious blue van circling the car park. The unknown driver glanced at Kat and Sarah before briskly driving off. Two minutes later the van was seen driving into the centre of the woods at great speed. However this did not deter Kat and Sarah and they continued walking towards the wooded area. As they approached a large (and slippery) log Kat noticed a sizable steak and suggested Sarah took it to use as a weapon, while Kat clutched the fading torch. By now all daylight had gone, but they fearlessly began to search for a suitable tree.

Sarah pointed out a tall yet very branchy tree and suggested Kat should take on the challenge of climbing it. After several failed attempts to reach the first branch, Kat finally began the steep ascent up the tree. Two metres up, the fear set in and Sarah allowed Kat to return to level ground. Now it was Sarah’s turn, after making a mockery of her friend she soon realised that climbing the tree wasn’t as easy as she initially contemplated. Embarrassingly Sarah only made it half way up the tree, and with a little help and advice on how to get down, she was soon back on the ground after a near fatal head butt with Kat.

Realising that tree climbing was not for them, they decided to take a ramble deep into the forest. As they began to proceed into the trees they stumbled across a cluster of glowing mushrooms. Mesmerized by the shimmering appearance of these strange fungi they contemplated eating one. However, not guided by their mentor Joe Hobson they decided against the idea and left the temptation alone.

The 'Magic' Mushrooms:

The torch-light was fading fast as they embarked on their treacherous hike deep into the forest. While walking beside a swampy lake it soon became clear that this was not a good idea. However their enthusiastic personalities urged them to carry on. They soon came to a weir of fast flowing water, so they decided to make a brave attempt to cross it. As Sarah placed her foot into the water she stepped back in horror as she realised her newly dry cleaned Dunlops (courtesy of Kat) were saturated in water and badly stained with mud. Kat tried to comfort Sarah as she explained the shoes could be cleaned and restored to their full glory. Still distraught Sarah stepped out of the water and they retreated back to the boggy footpath.

Kat and Sarah continued strolling into the darkness of the woods. As the fear set in the tension rose. Sarah took advantage of the situation and repeatedly attempted to scare Kat by referring to the Blue van mentioned earlier, and pointing out an area of disturbed earth, hinting at a woodland burial. Having succeeded in distressing her friend, Kat and Sarah soon sped up their pace and returned to the car.

With a routine check of the back seat and boot, they felt safe enough to drive home.

Having worked up an appetite, they decided it was time to eat. Whilst rummaging through the freezer they came across a tray of six meaty Lincolnshire Sausages, renowned throughout England for their award winning succulent taste. They handed the sausages to Mrs Manterfield and she soon go to work preparing Salad, New potatoes and of course the local sausages. Half an hour passed and tea was served so Kat and Sarah sat down and tucked into their meals whilst religiously watching The Simpsons. After their dismal hike in the wood they realised that they now needed something else to fulfil their nights entertainment.


Following a mutual agreement Kat and Sarah decided to attempt to bake some cakes. This was an ordeal in itself. Not being experienced cake makers they didn't know what ingredients to use or indeed how much to put in.

Kat searched for a recipe book, they only wanted 6 'cupcakes' and after much page flicking they found a recipe for 30 cakes. So they halved the amounts (top heavy fractions aren't their forte) and began to prepare the mixture. It was relatively easy to pour flour, eggs, butter, sugar and baking powder into the bowl. It was the physical strain of mixing them together that was challenging. Sarah struggled and Kat couldn't help.

They overcame this difficulty and began placing the mixture into the bun cases. Their estimations resulted in a total of 12 cakes ready to be baked. After a few near accidents and the mild singes to Kats eyes, they battled through the hot steam pumping out of the oven and placed the cake tray inside. Sarah then set the timer for 15 minutes as directed by Mary Berry.

With the prospect of seeing the home made baked goods they waited anxiously as the minutes ticked by. Ten minutes had passed when Mr Manterfield came in claiming

"I can smell burning."

Kat and Sarah dismissed his comment, deciding it was an act of jealousy.

Five minutes later they found their selves counting down the seconds...10, 9, 8. Until finally, the time had come. They could now finally reveal their creation. As Kat boldly opened the oven door a cloud of smoke was briskly released, shortly followed by the sweet smell of home made cakes.

As the smoke cleared Kat and Sarah weren't left with a tray of delicious golden brown sponge cakes. But a tray of hardened black lumps, encased in frilly paper. The cakes were burnt. They had failed.

Reeled in disappointment they moved the 'cakes' onto the cooling rack and gave themselves time to grieve. Upon inspection, the cakes weren't only burnt but badly deformed too. Sarah suggested moulding them back into shape with a knife, Kat agreed in the hope that they would finish this project having known that they had tried their best. After cutting the oddly shaped blocks Kat and Sarah felt better and decided to proceed with the planned decorative icing.

As usual Kat got a little over excited and put too much water in the icing mixture. This resulted in the extensive use of half a packet of icing powder in order to revoke her prior enthusiasm and create a thick enough paste. Due to the excessive 'cosmetic surgery' performed to shape the cakes, they then incurred the following problem; the icing began to soak into the buns, leaving odd black spikes poking out of the tops. Patience was running a little thin so Kat handed Sarah a tub of Sprinkles and she vigorously coated the cakes until no sign of over cooking was visible.
What Kat and Sarah ended up with was a set of 6 beautifully sprinkled cakes (the other six didn't quite make it to this stage). They were proud.







After taking one bite each they proceeded to heave. Though aesthetically pleasing after a long hard craft, the cakes weren't edible and are now resting in peace in the bin.


Love Sarah and Kat xx

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

whaaaaaaaaaaa???

Katie said...

It sounded a little bit like Madlibs at first but then I realized that there weren't any dirty words and you can't do Madlibs without dirty words.

And some of those picture links don't work.

Krisan said...

dude, i don't feel like reading. but i could go for a cupcake, yuuum.

kari said...

why isn't there an old embarrassing picture of jon...?

An said...

that cupcake story was cute =)